This is the definition of Postnatal depression;
noun
depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.
I've had postnatal depression with two out of three of my children. With baby number 1 and now with baby number 3.
This time round I've been lying to myself and others saying things like “I'm fine” its just normal stresses that are associated with selling, buying and moving house! You can only lie to yourself so long before it all comes to a head!
Also never believe a woman who says she's fine!
One of the main reasons I didn't acknowledge my postnatal depression this time round was that it has been totally different.
The first time I had such strong and debilitating anxiety attacks.
This time I'd prefer to be alone.
So It wasn't until recently that I actually admitted to myself and others that Yes I have Postnatal Depression again.
I started asking myself questions like,
Why?
How?
Am I putting too much pressure on myself?
Is society putting too much pressure on mum's?
I started feeling angry, and I mean anger that bubbled from deep within.
Like a fire, it grew the more I questioned why I have postnatal depression?
how do we get postnatal depression?
The fire grew within me.
I cried
I screamed
I howled
I started journaling all the feelings and thoughts that arose.
I meditated
I sought help
You know what I discovered!
The anger and the rage not only came from me but from so many women before me.
We are AnGrY!
Why?
Motherhood is a journey, sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly.
Either way it is not one size fits all and yet we are all squeezed into little boxes.
There's all these time frames for
Establishing breastfeeding,
Sleep routines,
Intimacy returns
Exercise
Eat well
School routines
Back to work
On and
On and
On!
Enough is enough!
We put so much pressure on ourselves!
Then wonder why we can feel lost, angry, emotional!
We are women,
No
We are Goddesses
We have huge amounts of hormones flowing through our bodies, we have been growing and now looking after our beautiful baby.
Let us enjoy this time.
Nurture us.
We have sleepless nights
We are tired
We are trying our hardest to keep everything together,
to keep everyone organised.
Who is checking on us?
Please don't call and ask if we're ok?
Do you know how hard it is to let our wall down to admit that we need help!
We have been conditioned to think that asking for help is a sign of failure, that we are weak and as much as I'm trying to change that for myself, I still struggle.
So even 10 months after the arrival of our precise baby we still may need help.
Make us a meal,
Fold the washing,
Go on a walk with us,
Take a sibling for the day or night
Come and just hang with us for the day, we'd love to see you.
Most of all please just listen without judgement or trying to fix us.
There is nothing that means more to us than having someone just listen!
Especially if they bring food!
So while society likes to put me in a box labeled Postnatal Depression,
I'm choosing a new box!
The journeys of Motherhood!
It's tough but oh so miraculous,
I will be open and share from the heart.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or think you have Postnatal depression please seek help or talk to a trusted friend,
or if you know of a mumma, grab some food and go visit her!
