I'm a mum, wife, Reiki and energy healer, nature-lover and raw dance disciple.
I live outside Hobart, Tasmania, with my family (who sometimes think I'm crazy), and our animal friends (who sometimes understand me better than people do!).
From Fear to Love
I had my first panic attack at 16. The doctors didn't know what was happening to me. They couldn't find anything medically wrong, even though I felt like I was about to explode.
Sometimes the anxiety was so bad, I felt like I was having a heart attack and dying. I used to think "I don't want to be here, in this body, on this Earth."
Everyday things become overwhelming. Even the thought of looking after my son terrified me. There was no internet in those days, so I couldn't do my own research online. Nor could I connect to other women who were going through the same thing.
At 22 I was prescribed anti-depressants; but when I got home a voice inside me said, "Do not take them!"
I stood in tears, unable to put the pill into my mouth.
How am I supposed to help my son to grow up and not be terrified of living, when I can't even cope with day to day life?
A psychologist gave me some mindfulness activities. It was excruciating to sit with my anxiety, unable to run, breathing into it until each wave had passed.
Each time I realised: I'm still here, I'm not dead. But it wasn't enough to move forward.
My massage therapist suggested I cut out dairy. And after suffering through cheese and milk withdrawals, I felt reborn after a month.
But the anxiety still had me in its grip.
Is this ever going to end?
I tried homeopathy, and worked through more layers. I realised that the anxiety might not originate with me. It could have started with my ancestors, or in past lives. I began to dig deeper into my Soul.
I knew there was something more to life, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I began to see the light, rather than being surrounded by darkness all the time.
My power started to return.
Then I met a Shaman who turned my world around. She intuited I'd had past lives of struggle, and I could feel the truth behind the story deep in my body and Soul. I had a knowing and a trust that I'd never had before.
I had a past life theme of being a witch and priestess, when we were the healers and guides of our communities. Eventually, the Church told our families and villages that we weren't workers of God, but the Devil. And God wouldn't want us doing our work.
We were hunted and burned. We'd always had such freedom, trust and respect, but now we lived in fear, scared to be seen and heard in case it meant our death.
I still struggle with this fear of standing out, feeling deep in my cells that I could be shunned and judged again.
When I realised the root of my fears lay far beyond this life, I realised I didn't have to hide so much anymore. I could reclaim my Soul, and my light, and I began to trust that I was here for a reason.
My guides started to talk to me, and I saw visions which were scary at first because I didn't know where they came from.
My shaman guided me through the process of embracing my intuitive gifts, rather than fearing them as I'd been taught so long ago.
There was a time when we were all so connected, not just to each other but to the Earth. We've lost that. But it's rising now, we're returning slowly to that state of natural Grace.
Each of us are reawakening. Our Souls are being cracked open. Our light is becoming so strong, it's breaking us open from within. It's not an outside power, but our own power awakening.
We're reconnecting to our Souls, to each other, and to the Earth.
We're each a part of the universe. We're connected to the elements, the Moon and the Earth.
Now, I have so much faith in the universe, that rather than fearing every day life, I move with life rather than against it. I can see the life in all things.
I'm not terrified any more. I'm not a lonely Soul in a corner, paralysed by fear.
I know that despite the years of anxiety I suffered through, I was never alone.
I had to take this journey to reclaim who I really am, and to guide other women to reclaim their power and light. It doesn't have to take 15 years, like it did for me.
We don't have to do it alone. We have the support of each other, and the Sacred tools of the Earth.
That's why I'm here now.
I'm devoted to reclaiming my Soul and helping other women reclaim theirs.
If your Soul is calling to you, reach out and embrace your true power.
You are infinitely, unconditionally loved.